I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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