You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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