you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
