I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
