Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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