you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
