just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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