I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
