that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
