We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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