My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
