so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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