i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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