I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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