Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
