So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
