Three words: puerto rican gang bang
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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