2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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