Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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