we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
