Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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