sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We smell like vodka and hangover
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