Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
