omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
