her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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