So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
jump out the window naked night went bad
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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