ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You are the jesus of drinking
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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