Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
