I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
