I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
