Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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