You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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