He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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