Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
