I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
