Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
