The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
