my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
