twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
