I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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