I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
