You just made me feel so damn special
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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