you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
