he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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