I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
