Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
