ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
