Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
