So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
