It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's never too late to be topless.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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