i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
