Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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