He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
