the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
