my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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